“It happened but I didn't want to”: Consent narratives of young women when describing unsatisfying ‘consensual' sex

background: The implementation of ‘yes means yes’ policies at universities have brought increased attention to the concept of affirmative consent. Affirmative consent suggests individuals need to verbally and explicitly communicate agreement to engage in sexual activity. Providing explicit, verbal consent implies an enthusiastic desire for sex, yet sometimes people may feel unsure about having sex.

purpose: The original purpose of this study was to examine women’s satisfying/unsatisfying sexual experiences with a specific focus on sexual communication. When analyzing these data, a clear theme regarding women’s lack of desire/wantedness to engage in consensualsexual activity emerged.  Thus, the purpose of this presentation is to highlight women’s consent narratives when describing unsatisfying sex.  

methodology: Women ages 18-25 years (n=30) who had experienced heterosexual oral, vaginal or anal sex participated in semi-structured one-on-one interviews. Interviews were transcribed, and analyzed using the constant comparative method of grounded theory. The specific analysis presented here emerged from questions about consensual, but unsatisfying sexual experiences.

findings: Surprisingly, there was a clear narrative of undesired sex and ambiguity about wanting to engage in sex. Although participants described their sex as consensual, they seemed to be unsure whether they wanted it - leading to unsatisfying sexual experiences. Many women indicated that their unsatisfying sexual experiences were a result of sex that they “didn’t really want” or sex that “just happened.”

conclusions: Women’s narratives of consensual, undesired, unsatisfying sex are especially important in light of increased discussion regarding ‘affirmative consent.’ We will discuss implications for college and public health professionals.